


What is wrong with Troy Otto

by bloody_wings_and_arrows



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nick cares about Troy, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, every time Troy felt something real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 09:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12273492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloody_wings_and_arrows/pseuds/bloody_wings_and_arrows





	1. 1

***

  

‘’Where’s my mom and my sister?’’ – The blond boy asked with the expression that could easily kill. His hands were tied up but Troy felt danger while looking in his big brown eyes.

Troy knew that this guy already hated him, he could feel it. Not that he cared too much but… So why waste his breath? Why would he do something ‘’nice’’ when everybody thought that he was a fucking monster killing innocent people, some kind of killing machine. Troy had the idea what this guy in front of him was thinking about this whole situation but he couldn’t change it, even if he wanted to. And suddenly he stopped thinking, not to fuck his thoughts up again.

‘’Being processed.’’ – He answered calmly.

‘’Don’t hurt them.’’ – The boy said quickly and looked up at him.

‘’Hey, hey, hey. Ease your mind. I’m not a savage.’’

The boy’s bloody face looked emotionless now, but Troy knew that he should have been tired, hungry and thirsty. He didn’t offer him any help though, he couldn’t. The girl was sitting next to him, her face buried in his neck. Troy looked down but he couldn’t do anything about it. He was here only for science, his mission was to understand. So he left without doing anything.

‘’Everyone here dies. It’s the only mercy I can offer.’’

 

 

 

 

 

   ***

 

‘’My mother passed, ma’am.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’ – Madison said quietly.

‘’I don’t get lost much anyway.’’ – Troy answered with smirk on his face.

Troy was so tired of all this bullshit but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. This new world was all about survival and to survive, sometimes you need to play even if you don’t like the game rules. He knew exactly what kind of game he was playing but he couldn’t say the same about this woman. She was mysterious, awakening interest and curiosity in him. She seemed self-confident and clever, just like his son she was looking for. Troy knew that now.

So Nick was his name, huh?

 

 


	2. 2

 ***

 

He was going to do this, he was already certain. He was going to teach him the lesson so Nick could know that he couldn’t fuck with him anymore. The night was dark and they were separated from each other, so Troy started to track him. This was the moment, now or never.  
All of a sudden he was hit hard and pinned to the ground with Nick on top of him. He was breathing hard and loud, gun in his hand.  
‘’Ground’s soft. You can dig a grave real easy. I mean, people will suspect you but they really wouldn’t know for sure.’’ – Troy said, smirking.  
‘’I wonder how long it will take you to turn.’’ – Nick whispered.  
‘’Eighty seven minutes…’’ – he answered quickly, without hesitation.  
Nick was looking down at him, never taking his big brown eyes off the guy.  
‘’You know, if you do it, you should time it. Journal’s in my pocket.’’  
‘’You - are - not - a - scientist!’’ – Nick said slowly and firmly.  
‘’Time it.’’  
They were both panting, whispering in the quiet dark night.  
‘’Nick, please…’’  
‘’What is wrong with you?’’ – Nick asked, looking down at him.  
‘’I just- I need to know…I need to know why we spoil.’’  
And then Nick pointed the gun at him but he wasn’t scared. Troy was lying on the ground quiet and still, and was wondering why he wasn’t afraid. Everyone’s afraid of dying, that’s what humans are – scared little creatures trying not to die. But everyone dies here. Troy knew that damn well, he’d taken many lives after all of this started. But when Nick lifted his slim body and pointed the gun at him, smiling, Troy felt calm. His heart was still beating like crazy but he was not afraid, like he knew that Nick was not going to shoot, and this feeling started to scare him. Maybe those people were right about him, maybe he was insane after all. But he wasn't given enough time to analyze the strange feeling and understand his odd state of mind, because suddenly there was a shot.  
Troy felt painful chaos in his ears and looked up at Nick. He was still holding the gun and staring down with a slight smile. Then he moved abruptly and attacked Troy’s notebook, the one he used for notes about how and when the infected people died and turned to undead, flesh-eating monsters.  
He was laughing. Nick was laughing like crazy, removing papers from the notebook. Troy went after him, trying to get his precious work back and attacked the guy. Nick fell down and Troy fell on top of him, trying to make him stop, trying to take the notebook away from him. He managed that after some struggling with the guy who looked like crazy teenager, doing things he didn’t understand and didn’t even care.  
When Troy fell on the ground again next to him, he couldn’t hold the smile. Nick was lying on his back, still laughing like possessed. Troy was a bit confused but he was smiling, too, for some reason, looking at Nick, never taking his eyes off of him.  
‘’I think we can be friends now.’’ – Troy said, grinning. He was still panting, his heart way too loud and unsteady. Then he stayed like that for a few seconds and stood up from the ground, collecting pieces of paper that were scattered all around him.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Reminding him about mommy was not a good idea. It was cruel, even for Madison who seemed cold hearted and _too_ strong even for the zombie apocalypse. Troy felt humiliated and powerless, as if the woman was attacking him knowing his weaknesses. But reminding him about mommy wasn’t the worst part of what she did. Heartless woman also involved Nick in the conversation. Again, like she knew his weaknesses.  
Troy was scared then. He felt like he was six again, stealing treats from the fridge. He knew that his parents were coming for him and they were going to be really pissed. He would end up in the basement again, spending there so much time, everyone would forget about him. Then someone might have asked - ‘’Where’s Troy, by the way?’’  
‘’But you have such a strange fixation on him.’’ – Madison studied his eyes.

Troy felt sick. He felt like a caged animal. No, not this time, he wasn’t going to be that weak kid again. He wasn’t going to say ‘’sorry’’ again, ever.  
He had no time for thinking anyway, so he just turned these feelings off, forgetting about them like he used to do.

 


	3. 3

 ***

 

Troy saw him walking in his direction, hoodie hiding his face.

‘’You flying solo?’’

Nick seemed tired and a bit confused by the question.

‘’What?’’

‘’Luciana, she, uh- she take off?’’

Nick was looking right into his big blue eyes. He took off the hoodie and stared again at Troy, who had a little smile on his face.

‘’Do me a favor…’’

Troy felt his heart racing.

‘’Say her name again.’’

‘’Whoa, whoa, easy, easy, partner…’’

For some reason his heart started to beat even faster and faster. Nick was right in front of him, so close, smiling oddly like he knew exactly how the other boy was feeling, like he could read his mind.  

‘’It’s just good you didn’t take off after her. That’s all I’m saying.’’

Troy wanted to reach out and cut that smile off of his pretty face. Or maybe not, he liked the smile. Troy didn’t know exactly how he felt, but one thing he knew for sure - He was relieved that Nick stayed. _Where did that weird feeling come from_ , was all he had a chance to think and then there were more people around him again. More people trying to make him the cold blooded, heartless killing machine he was now in this new world. Troy had no other choice, he had to fight. And even if all the people left on earth were going to consider him a sociopath hating humanity, he was up to it. Somebody’s got to do something, right? Somebody’s got to be the _bad_ guy, and if those people had a chance to survive, Troy was ready to be that person.

So he just got rid of the thoughts about Nick’s stupid smile and left his weird, inexplicable desires hidden in the dark, dark corners of his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ***

 

Nick was standing there asking for joining the scouts. This was unexpected and Troy got excited, trying to hide the reaction with his ironic attitude that usually helped. Nick seemed certain, talking about why he wanted to join.

‘’Maybe I feel bad about what I’ve done. Do you ever feel that way about anything? You know, you do something and then people die and things get worse.’’ – The younger boy said checking the arsenal.

‘’Well maybe you should leave before worse things happen.’’ – Troy answered quietly, studying Nick’s face expression.

Troy could feel something was wrong, Nick was talking about what he’s done, feeling guilty about it as if he was reminding the other boy about his own sins. He wasn’t sure before if Madison had told him or not, but now that the younger boy was talking about this…

‘’Also I want to protect us from the ones who killed the Trimbols.’’

That was it. Troy looked at him, suddenly realizing, getting his point, not sure how to respond. Nick knew. He knew everything Troy had done.

The sound of the gunshots hurt his ears like never before. Troy could have told Nick why he'd actually done what he'd done but everything he could have said sounded really stupid in his own mind and Nick was not going to accept any of it. Troy didn’t need to be judged, he knew he shouldn’t have done that. He knew he shouldn’t have killed the Trimbols, he wasn’t even going to. His behavior was inexcusable, no matter how he tried to explain, no matter what excuses he would use to let Nick know he didn't mean to do that. It was already done, all of that blood was shed and it was going to stay with him until the rest of his days. Nick wasn’t going to forget or forgive, he was not going to tell him he understood. Now it was too late to regret or to say sorry. So Troy didn’t say anything.

Troy carefully checked on Nick, giving him the gun he was holding. Nick took the gun from him, silently walking away. The older boy watched him leaving, joining the other guys who were shooting a few meters away. The sound of the gunshots was hurting Troy’s ears like never before.

 


	4. 4

  ***

 

‘’You feeling blue, Nicky?’’

Nick had a new haircut, blond strands messily touching his face and his neck. Troy checked on him carefully, studying the boy who was sitting alone, away from the other guys.

‘’No, I’m just suicide-proof.’’ – Nick answered.

Troy felt the urge to reach for him and…

Well, he didn’t know what he really wanted to do.

Nick looked like a left puppy that needed a hug. Suicide-proof, huh?

This weird feeling of wanting to protect him made Troy uneasy. He had no fucking idea where these thoughts were coming from and why. He chose to leave it right then and there, he didn’t want to feel caged and scared again because of this little fucker Nick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

‘’You do a lot of fence-mending back in the city of Lost Angels, Poet?’’

Troy had no idea what was going on with him when he was near this guy. Sometimes it was really hard for him to control himself when Nick was around. He was unable to get his eyes off his face and when Nick was close to him, he was feeling his heart beating faster. They were spending more time together now and Troy’s thoughts were becoming more and more complicated, chaotic, painful and weird.

‘’I’m no poet.’’ -  Nick answered without even looking back at him.

‘’All that angst and suffering, you got the soul of a poet.’’

Maybe Nick knew that Troy was flirting with him. He was flirting, right? Maybe Nick was doing the same thing with those cute little smiles and soft touches on his shoulder. Troy didn’t even know what he was doing and what he was expecting Nick to do. He hated Nick. He hated him for fucking his mind up. Because Troy was already fucked up, and with all these new thoughts and feelings and desires he was going even crazier. He hated Nick for sleepless night and unexplainable tingling in his stomach. He hated him because now Troy felt weaker, when he realized he had something to lose.

 


	5. 5

***

 

He was standing by his grave, looking down at him for the first time in his life. Apparently big Otto was not immortal after all. He wanted to dig up his grave and kill him again for what he had done to them. Suddenly he noticed Nick approaching him. The boy stood next to him, looking at the grave, ground still soft.

‘’I lost my dad too, so I do know what’s like living with that.’’ – Nick said and looked up at him with innocent, sad puppy eyes. Troy hated this look so much.

‘’He off himself?’’

‘’He wrecked his truck on the freeway coming home from a worksite. Cops said he fell asleep at the wheel.’’ – Nick answered calmly.

‘’You don’t believe that.’’

Troy checked him out, studying his face expression. There was something in his behavior, his actions and words that was making Troy feel better and worse at the same time. He knew there was something in Nick that was too familiar for him. Sometimes it seemed like Nick could understand him very well and that scared the older guy in some weird way. Maybe because that he never really wanted to be understood and accepted by anyone, he was used to be the crazy one doing unexplainable things. Nick appearing from nowhere, offering him his support or whatever that was, scared him. But at the same time he felt something soft and nice inside his heart every time he felt that Nick was next to him, ‘’understanding’’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Now he knew he was fucked up. And he'd also involved Nick in this shitty situation. And Nick had almost got killed. Troy had saved him and ended up injuring his left hand but still. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want Nick to get hurt. But they were here now, arguing, again.

‘’Why - why do you care?’’

Nick looked exited, scared, tired, angry… Troy didn’t know exactly.

‘’Why do you care what Jeremiah wants? What do you care what happens to me?’’

He knew this was a suicide mission. He was ready to defend his home and people around him and this seemed to be the only way to do so. But Nick, Troy didn’t want Nick to get injured or killed because of him. It was too late anyway. Nick was right there, so close, and he was scared.

‘’I don’t want to die.’’ – Nick said whispering, but he seemed shocked.

Troy regretted everything he’d done before, everything that’d led him to this very moment. Nick looked like a lost puppy, wondering alone in the rain. He wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright and he even wanted to hug him but he couldn’t. The only thing he could do was to protect him somehow.

Troy was suffering. He was in physical and mental pain. However, he wasn’t going to surrender that easily. He took the gun with his bloody hands and sat himself down. Now the most important thing was to continue fighting, killing, protecting.

‘’Yeah? Well, you may have backed the wrong horse.’’ - Troy answered and continued shooting the bedroom door, knowing the enemy was right behind it. They were shooting back.

‘’I don’t want _you_ to die!’’ - Nick said then and Troy felt even worse if that was possible.

‘’You definitely backed the wrong horse.’’

Very soon Troy was sitting next to Nick, who was trying to convince him that the idea of fighting was the real bad idea. Troy may have known that Nick was right, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. It was too late for searching some other ways that would lead to ‘’happy end’’ for all of them. Troy was sure about this and he was too far gone to surrender now.

‘’You ready?’’

‘’No!’’ – He answered. His eyes were wide and dark with fear, excitement and anticipation.

‘’Don’t go week-kneed on me, Nick.’’

‘’Nothing good comes from this.’’

Nick was looking into his eyes and he was so fucking close. He could just reach out and touch him. This time he could touch him for real, not in the weird wet dreams he'd started having for some time now. He would have the reason – this easily could've been his last day on earth, the last time he was seeing Nick. He could close the space between them and kiss him.

He didn’t. Instead, he continued shooting the closed door, already filled with holes in it.

Nick was not giving up. He was asking Troy to stop this, to think about his brother, his father who sacrificed himself for this place. Troy couldn’t stop now, he knew that. He never gave up on shooting, making sure that Nick was alive and untouched behind him.

Unexpectedly for him, Nick attacked him and they struggled on the floor, but Troy won. In the end he was the one holding the gun again. All of a sudden Nick’s face expression changed and he said unspeakable, unbelievable. And Troy knew that he was defeated then. He glanced at Nick, who was staring at him from one meter away and his hands moved. The gun was now aimed at the guy in front of him. But Nick was sitting motionless, panting, looking in Troy’s eyes like he didn’t even care if he was going to live or die. The younger boy looked tired and suddenly Troy realized how exhausted he was himself.

Troy’s hands fell down like they were not in his control anymore. They were someone else’s hands, someone who was too exhausted to even hold the gun. Troy felt too much at once, his head a chaotic mess. He was still looking into those big brown eyes, knowing that he was defeated – not by the enemy behind the bedroom door but the guy sitting in front of him.

 


	6. 6

***

 

It was weird – since the very first moment he'd seen  _him_ , strange feeling had taken over his whole body and this feeling was getting intense with each day. He'd been nothing in the past world, just some angry kid with issues and alcoholic parents, but in this new world it seemed like he found his purpose. He was useful, even if it meant doing what others couldn’t or wouldn’t do, something like killing some people to protect the others. Of course nobody had ever thought of him like a ‘’nice guy’’ but at least he was trying to do _something_ _,_ and he was doing everything to do so. Turned out that all he needed to find his ‘’purpose’’ was the apocalypse, dead people rising from their graves. Now it was easier to find an excuse for his rage – violence, blood, killing was the way to survive this new world.

And then _he_  had appeared.

He was weird, loner just like Troy. Nick had a soul of a poet, but poets kill the same as anyone. He found himself thinking that this guy who was pointing guns at him all the time but was never pulling the trigger, might have been his ‘’soul mate’’ or something. But troy was darker, much more complicated and fucked up in his head. Nick seemed to be the better version of him. At least that’s what he used to think.

And then Troy started to think that maybe, just _maybe_ this wasn’t all he could do. Maybe he also had a chance to build something new, to lighten some dark places in his damaged heart. These thoughts made him happy and angry at the same time. He was happy because he was human, and he was angry because again, he was human after all. Sometimes he used to think that Nick was distracting him from what was really important. He hated him for that.

And then again, Nick was standing in front of him and Troy could feel his heart in his throat. Suddenly it was hard to breath. Suddenly there were some other ways for him, brighter paths.

‘’They’re not gonna kill you.’’

Troy looked up. He was sleepless and tired and the morning sun was blinding his eyes. It hurt as fuck, but he opened them just to see the familiar face. Nick was standing right in front of the table, staring down at him with serious face expression.

‘’No scalping?’’

Troy looked in his big brown eyes and smiled like they were talking about something really funny.

‘’I asked them- um, I asked them not to kill or banish you.’’

Now this was unexpected. Troy felt weak and confused again. He couldn’t understand why Nick was doing what he was doing, especially after yesterday. He should have been angry, furious. Nick should have been hating him for causing him so much trouble. And again, Troy should have been hating Nick as well. Troy should have been angry at Nick for killing his coward father, who couldn’t sacrifice himself for his own peoples’ well-being. Well, Troy knew very well what kind of person his father was and in some weird way he was thankful that big Otto was dead. He never cared about his sons anyway. Practically Nick might have saved them all, most people at least. But that wasn’t important now. Troy wasn't feeling anything like hate towards Nick, but he was still angry and couldn’t think straight. Maybe he was angry at himself and not Nick. These feeling and doubts were eating him from inside.

‘’Why?’’ – was all he asked.

Nick furrowed his brows.

‘’You really wanna die so badly, huh?’’ – He asked staring down at the older boy. Now Nick seemed disappointed, confused or just excited, Troy wasn’t sure.

In response, his smile widened. What the fuck was wrong with him anyway? He looked down at his tied hands. His left hand was still painted with blood and it hurt like hell. This was the reminder of how much he cared about the other boy though and Troy told himself that he would do it again. He would save Nick again and again, no matter how hard he was going to hurt himself. He was up to it, he would give his right hand too, meeting Indians’ weapons with it. The image of scared and confused Nick was right in front of his eyes again and he remembered about yesterday’s events. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that after all. Maybe it would have been better to surrender and live with the Indians on that land like one big happy family. Or maybe he should have pointed the gun at his own head and blew his brain up. Troy was not the guy anyone would cry about. Well, maybe Jake would be sad for a few days, Alicia supporting him, and soon enough he would also forget about his crazy little brother. Maybe it would have been better if he just shoot himself right then and there, in front of Nick. It would end all of his troubles and his whole body and soul wouldn’t hurt anymore.

Troy shook his head and looked up again. He had the feeling that he'd been buried in his own thoughts for hours but it only had been for a few seconds. Nick was checking him with curiosity, his brows still furrowed.

‘’So… What’s the verdict then?’’ – Troy asked quietly and looked up again to meet Nick’s eyes.

‘’You’re going to spend some time in the box. I was able to convince them that this will be enough for you to… uh - you know, to think of what you’ve done and don’t ever try to do it again. They’re ready to keep you here if you don’t repeat something like that in future.’’

Troy raised an eyebrow and glanced at Nick with curious and confused expression.

‘’Look, I know why you were doing what you were doing, but _now_ is not the right time. We should be fighting the _dead_ , not each other.’’

Nick’s tone was soft and he was talking like he was afraid to scare the wounded animal that was maybe thinking of attacking him. But Troy wasn’t attacking anymore – he was just sitting where they had left him yesterday, tied up to the table.

‘’I know how you feel, okay? I understand but trust me, you have to wait,’’ – Nick continued calmly, looking in his big blue eyes, red from lack of sleep - ‘’ _We_ have to wait, give them a chance or something… so that we don’t end up killing each other and spilling each other’s blood on this land. Your father did that, you did that, we _all_ did that.’’

Nick paused, searching for his eyes. Troy was looking down at his own hands, blood from yesterday still dried on them.

‘’I think that’s enough blood for now.’’ – Nick added calmly and Troy looked up.

The boy seemed tired and Troy was pretty sure he hadn’t slept either. He was wearing those same clothes from yesterday, the uniform Troy had given him when he'd joined the scouts. His blond hair looked dirty and his face was sweaty. He was standing there in front of the table, looking down at him and silently asking for the right answer. Troy felt that. Nick needed him to say ‘’yes’’ and that’s what he did.

‘’Okay.’’ – He said and shrugged.

‘’Okay?’’ – Nick asked searching for his eyes, making sure the other boy wasn’t being ironic.

‘’Yeah, whatever you say, Nicky.’’ – Troy answered with serious expression on his tired, bloody face and then added quietly – ‘’I’m tired, I need some sleep anyway.’’

Troy heard how Nick sighed, with relief maybe, like he'd been holding his breath while waiting for an answer. Then he turned his head, thinking about something for a few seconds. Troy then took the chance to study his face, remembering it. He knew what Nick had done for him – He had saved him from death, but he'd also destroyed him. Troy was suffering seeing him without having a chance to touch him like he wanted to. He was suffering every time he was hurting him, but Troy couldn’t act the other way. He studied Nick’s face, keeping him in his mind. He was going to sit in the tiny box for some time without food or water, without anyone to talk to. He was going to sit in that tiny box heated by the summer sun and he was going to suffer, but he didn’t care because he was used to it. He’d been in worse shit and had survived, he was used to pain. Troy was tired, so fucking tired and he was ready to get some rest. He studied the boy’s face in front of him very carefully. He was going to sit in that box dreaming of _that_ face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

It was weird. It was like a dream, but not exactly - more like a daydream or a hallucination. It was hot and hard to breath. The smell of blood and sweat filled his lungs, burning his insides. Someone was coughing and moaning, breathing loudly and deeply, panting and coughing again. Troy knew then that it was him. Troy knew that he was still locked in the tiny box standing under the summer sun. His hand didn’t hurt anymore, or maybe he couldn’t feel the pain. However some kind of pain was definitely there, never leaving him. His head was so heavy, Troy thought that it was going to explode, any minute now. So he waited, silently hoping for it. His eyes were closed because they hurt so much, Troy just couldn’t open them. He didn’t even remember when he'd opened them the last time. Maybe when he'd heard that familiar voice.

He didn’t know when exactly was that moment and how much time had passed since Nick had been there, but he knew he’d heard his voice. Nick was standing near the box, talking to him, asking if he was alright. Troy didn't answer, he couldn’t even if he wanted to. He wasn’t able to find his voice. Good thing was that he didn’t want to talk anyway, so it was okay. Nick didn’t insist on talking, he didn’t expect the other guy to answer. Mainly _he_ was the one talking to Troy. The older boy who was not fully awake and aware of what was going on exactly, didn’t get much of what Nick was saying, but he remembered him talking. Soft, quiet tone of his voice brought calmness and some kind of happiness he was too tired to understand. He wasn’t able to think about that anyway, so he just listened. Then Nick stopped talking and threw a little bottle in the box. Troy didn’t understand then where the hitting sound came from, but afterwards he found the bottle with water in it. At first it was hard to swallow and then it was impossible to stop. He was choking then, searching for the last drops of water, throwing the bottle again on the floor.

The box was too small for him, he was one pretty tall guy. There were moments when he was fully aware of the situation he was into. Troy felt sweat drops on his forehead and on his neck, crawling down and chilling his spine, making him shudder. It was damn hot and he was shivering. He was panicking and then losing it. Everything was turning black and then painfully white again. The sunlight reaching in his little box from the small hole was hurting his eyes. It was impossible for the boy to look outside. Not that there was anything to look at. People from the farm were far away from him and his box. He was all alone, nothing new in fact.

Then there was that voice again. Troy felt his heart racing and his whole body ache. It was painful but pleasant at the same time, hearing that voice. Nick was talking and he listened, even if he couldn’t understand much of his monologue. He was simply too exhausted to comprehend the information. It was almost impossible to concentrate. 

Even after Nick'd left, he stayed with him in that tiny box. He stayed in his fucked up mind.

Troy opened his eyes when he felt the painful bright light on his face, burning him. He closed his eyes immediately and moaned in pain. Then he felt the touch. Someone was there. Troy couldn’t see what was going on and he couldn’t move either. Very soon someone grabbed him and pull him with force. Troy groaned again, but then he heard the familiar voice.

‘’Hey, you hear me?’’

Troy heard him but couldn’t answer. He felt sun rays on his skin and cool air on his face. Someone was touching his face now, he could say that.

‘’I’m gonna help you to the house, okay?’’ – Soft voice appeared again, this time it was calmer and clear - ‘’Guys, come here, I need some help to carry him!’’ – Nick called for someone pretty loudly for Troy’s sensitive ears.

Troy tried to breathe steadily and failed. He was choking and coughing again.

‘’You’re gonna be fine now.’’ – Nick said as if only to himself and grabbed the guy’s waist to help him up.

Troy Felt hands on his waist, then on his shoulders. He was up on his legs soon enough but he couldn’t control them. Two or three guys carried him from the field, He didn’t know for sure, he couldn’t open his eyes.

 


	7. 7

***

 

It was dark and hot like in hell. His whole body was burning. Troy was awake, but his eyes were still closed, too heavy. The boy had no clue where he was until suddenly he heard someone talking. Troy forced himself to stay awake and concentrate on the voices. One of them was Madison’s, harsh but quiet.

‘’Alright, but why did you bring him here? He could have stayed in his own house.’’

‘’No, he couldn’t. Jake can’t take care of him, he’s too busy dealing with everything on his own.’’

‘’Why it has to be you?’’ – Madison asked again, still whispering but Troy could clearly notice the excitement and anger in her voice.

‘’He needs my help, mom. He’s in pain and I’m not gonna leave him like that.’’

‘’You remember who you’re talking about, right? He killed people for fun he called science. He lost control that day and... You know he’s dangerous, Nick.’’ – Madison continued.

Troy felt sick and for a second he thought he was going to throw up. The headache was intense and the low voices in the room were hurting his head. nonetheless he listened, never opening his eyes, never moving a muscle.

‘’What if he tries to hurt you? Kill you?’’

‘’Mom! Mom, stop!’’ – Nick interrupted.

Nick’s voice was harsh and louder.

‘’He won’t hurt me, I promise. And he’s not that dangerous. Actually we’re quite the same, if you think about it...’’

‘’Nick, don’t!’’ – Madison said firmly.

‘’What? I’ve killed people as well, mom, you know that. _You_ have killed people, we _all_ have done that.’’

Then there was silence. Troy could feel his heart racing when listening to the conversation but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because that he cared about what Nick thought of him. Yes, this was it, he wanted Nick to consider him not the enemy or a heartless sociopath but someone else, someone better, someone…

‘’Alright, Nick… I got it,’’ – The woman’s now softer voice distracted Troy from his thoughts – ‘’Let me know if… Just let me know if you need anything else.’’

‘’I have painkillers for him. I don’t think he’ll be needing anything but alright.’’

On that note they stopped talking or arguing or whatever they'd been doing there. Troy heard footsteps and the door cracking sound. He suspected that Madison left Nick’s house, hugging him tightly and looking at him for the last time that night with knowing look, maybe judging a bit. When the door was closed again, Troy felt his heart racing even faster. He knew then that he and Nick were alone in Nick’s little wooden house up on the hill.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

He was panicking silently.

Troy was lying on Nick’s bed where he and some other guys had put him some time ago. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he'd been in this house, but somehow he knew that not too much time. When he had awakened by Madison’s conversation with his son, it had been already dark. Troy was guessing that Nick had put him in this bed that morning, he remembered the morning sunlight hurting his eyes when he got out of that box. Now it was late night and Madison was gone, leaving him and Nick alone. He had been in this house before many times. Big Otto gave Nick permission to live here after the fire and the death of previous owners. Troy hadn’t visited it since the boy had started to live here. The house was changed somehow, it smelled different. Not because of the fire that had burned it to the ground one day, the reason was different. The reason was Nick and his smell, different from the others. Sometimes the boy smelled like death, covered in blood of dead people, soaked in walkers' blood, but most of the times he smelled nice, Troy thought.

When he heard the footsteps, Troy felt his heart fasten, his breath caught in his throat. Nick was approaching his bed and he wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready to face him now. So he quickly decided not to open his eyes and find out what the other boy was going to do. Before Nick would reach the bed, he tried his best to concentrate on steady breathing and pretended like he was still in deep sleep. Then suddenly Troy felt wet touch of fabric, something smooth and cold was on his forehead. Troy thought that his heart stopped for a second and then continued beating even faster. He was scared that it was beating so loud that it was echoing in the whole house, betraying and revealing him. There was no time for panicking now, he tried to calm himself down. Nick was just taking care of his fever he was sure he had. Troy’s whole body was burning and Nick was right there with wet piece of fabric, cleaning his forehead from sweat and dirt, moving his hand so slowly and softly, it was even painful. When Nick moved the fabric to the boy’s check and then to his jaw, it took all of Troy’s will power not to reach out and stop him right there. His touch was solid and soft, sending shiver all over Troy’s burning body. And when Nick’s hand moved downer to his neck, the touch stirred Troy’s dick to life. That was the last straw, Troy opened his eyes with a deep intake of air and he met that damn big brown eyes staring at him with curiosity.

Then there was panic again, this time it was uncontrollable and without even thinking about what he was doing, Troy reached out with his right hand and grabbed Nick’s neck roughly. Nick’s eyes widened, surprised from unexpected action.

‘’Troy... what… ’’

His voice was quiet but worried. Nick grabbed Troy’s hand with his own two hands, trying to loosen the grip, but before he could use his power, Troy let him go. Nick was looking down at him with excited look, his brows furrowed.

‘’How- how are you feeling?’’ – He asked the older boy after a few second.

Troy took a quick look around the dark room. There were a few candles lightening the room slightly, allowing Troy to determine the features of Nick’s face who was sitting next to the bed, looking down at him.

‘’You have a fever, you need to drink a lot of water.’’ – Nick said and without waiting for an answer, he rose from his chair and walked from the room. After a few second he was back with a bottle, offering it to Troy. He also saw some pills on Nick’s palm. Nick, like he was reading the other boy’s mind, quickly explained that those were painkillers for his head. After all, Nick was the expert when it came to drugs.

The older boy tried to straighten up but Nick quickly stopped him.

‘’Don’t try to stand up, you’re supposed to be lying and resting.’’ – He said and moved his one hand, holding the bottle right in front of Troy’s mouth, with the other hand still offering him painkillers.

‘’I’m fine, I don’t need meds.’’

‘’Yes, you do. You’re burning with fever and you should have headache, no doubt.’’

Troy looked at him with suspicious look but took the medicines from his palm soon enough.

‘’Drink!’’ – Nick said and moved the bottle even closer.

Troy wasn’t used to situations like this. He didn’t remember anyone taking care of him in the past. Even his mom, or his dad or Jake, they didn’t usually see him like someone who needed attention or human closeness. Even before the apocalypse, Troy'd always felt like a misfit, a loner, some kind of creature that can’t do anything to deserve human closeness. So he wondered what had changed now. Nick wasn’t obliged to do this but he was doing this anyway. For some reason he was there, taking care of him, helping.

And suddenly Troy felt weak again. He remembered that he'd never needed anyone to take care of him in the past, he had been always doing everything himself. He'd learned really well that humans, strong, tender feelings toward them make you weaker and Troy wasn’t going to be weak. He'd never been in his life.

‘’Why you doing this again, Nicky?’’

He stared at the younger boy’s face with suspicious look, checking him like he was searching for a lie or betrayal. Nick furrowed his brows and shook his head slightly.

‘’I’m just- just helping.’’

After drinking the half part of the water from the bottle, he looked up again, not believing the other boy’s words.

‘’Yeah?’’ – Troy asked with a playful smirk.

Nick open his mouth as if he wanted to say something but changed his mind. He shook his head again and looked around the dark room. Then he glanced at the older boy again with the hurt look that made Troy’s heart uneasy.

‘’You’re my friend, aren’t you?’’ – Nick whispered and that whisper sent cold chills down to Troy’s body that was burning with fever.

Troy swallowed hard, never finding the words, just looking at the younger boy’s big brown eyes, illuminated with candle lights. He was staring back and Troy was still searching for something that would tell him that Nick was lying, using him for his own good, making fun of him… He couldn’t find anything except that worried look in his kind eyes.

‘’You need to rest. I’ll be sleeping in the kitchen if you need anything.’’ – Nick said after short silence. He put the bottle on the counter next to the bed and stood up from his chair.

Nick looked down at him once again and then tuned around, showing his back to the older boy.

‘’Just... just try to get some rest.’’

And that was it. That was all he said, putting out the candles and leaving Troy alone with his thoughts in the dark, silent room. Like hell Troy was going to get some rest that night.

 


	8. 8

***

 

Troy woke up from the disturbing yellow light hurting his head and burning his eyes. He quietly groaned opening his eyes that felt heavy. It was morning already and he remembered instantly where he was – still lying in Nick’s little wooden bed.

Nick appeared shortly after he'd opened his eyes and adjusted them to the summer sun lightening the room. Nick came back home, opening the door and walking inside quietly, trying not to wake the older boy up. Toy could hear his footsteps and silently waited for him to enter the room, any minute now. He thought about standing up because he wanted to go to the bathroom and finally he decided that headache and nausea wasn’t going to stop him. When he stood up, he felt sick, ready to throw up. The whole room started to move and everything was moving in slow motion. Troy sat himself down on the bed again, putting his elbows on his knees and hiding his face in his palms. Maybe standing up wasn’t a good idea after all, he thought to himself when he heard the door opening sound. His head was too heavy and he chose not to move, to prevent himself from throwing up. Troy heard Nick’s voice then.

‘’Hey, what are you doing? Why did you get up?’’

Troy was still sitting on the bed, head buried in his palms, eyes closed, but he knew even without looking up that Nick was excited and had that worried look on his face Troy had been able to see more often recently.

When Nick bent down to touch his shoulder, Troy forced himself to raise his head and look up.

‘’I – uh, I need to go to the bathroom.’’

Troy felt his cheeks flush. Nick’s face was centimeters away from him, his right hand lightly touching the older boy’s shoulder.

‘’Oh. Yeah, I’m gonna help you.’’

‘’I also need to shower. I feel dirty.’’ – Troy said, avoiding Nick’s eyes.

‘’That’s because you _are_ dirty,’’ – Nick answered with a little smirk hidden behind his messy locks of blond hair – ‘’you smell like some dead animal.’’

‘’Wha- Fuck you!’’

Troy heard Nick’s laughter, quiet but real and he searched for his eyes. The younger boy was smiling, showing his white teeth, and he was so close, Troy could reach out for him and…

‘’You know what, I’ll help you to the bathroom and I will even let you use my shower with one condition.’’

Troy tried to concentrate on his words instead of his full lips. His heart was betraying him again, trying to jump out from his chest.

‘’What?’’ – He asked with confused look and furrowed his brows.

‘’You have to be a good boy and do whatever I tell you.’’ – Nick said slowly, almost whispering.

Troy felt like someone just hit him hard on his head. He couldn’t understand what the fuck Nick had just said and why, but his heart was beating faster if that was even possible. Nick was smirking evilly, standing on his knees in front of the bed. Troy’s mind was blurred and foggy and his head was full of dirty thoughts, that familiar shiver attacking his back. Nick was so close, Troy could reach out and capture that pretty mouth with his lips, shutting him up, cutting that stupid smile off of his face. At some point Troy caught Nick staring at his lips, though it was just a quick glance that hadn'r last even for a second. Then it was almost impossible for him to breathe and Troy swallowed hard. His eyes went heavier. Nick’s smile disappeared without a sign of it and he looked right into Troy’s big blue eyes.

‘’let’s go!’’ – Troy said too loud and harshly and stood up so quickly that his head started to spin again. He didn’t let Nick notice that though. Nick wouldn’t seem to notice anyway because for a few seconds he looked like he'd just woken up from a deep sleep. Then he stood up without a word and put his left hand on Troy’s armpit, older boy leaning on him. Nick helped him walk to the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 ***

 

He was standing under the shower, if you could call it the shower. It was not comfortable and the water was not warm or clean enough, but Troy didn’t mind. This house had been burnt to the ground some time ago and what was left and built on the ashes was all that there was. Nick wasn’t spending much time here anyway, he was always out, helping people from the farm or scouting, going on runs with Troy and the other guys. Nick used this house to spend the nights here and the guy wasn’t so naive or impolite to start complaining that it was uncomfortable or not nicely decorated. It was a fucking apocalypse after all.

The bathroom wasn’t one could consider the real bathroom but it was okay for Troy, he just wanted to get rid of that dirt and blood dried on his skin. However it turned out harder than he thought. He used the soap, but he could feel like he was soaked in blood. Troy was roughly massaging his body, trying to get rid of the smell of death, applying soap again and again. Remembering Nick’s weird look on his face, the younger boy’s big dark eyes focused on his lips didn’t help at all. It made things even worse. Now Troy was feeling his blood moving to his groin. He cursed quietly, trying to remain calm and failing. He was shivering under the cool water and at the same time his body was burning. He wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t going to lose control and let Nick do things like this to him. His body didn’t agree with his mind however – his body was reacting and Troy was so angry and humiliated and excited at the same time. He lifted his head, letting cold water on his flushed face like it could also wash away his feelings and desires.

When Troy came out of the bathroom, he was wearing Nick’s dark blue jeans and the gray shirt the younger boy had given him to change in. Pants were a little bit short for his long legs but the t-shirt was fine - it was a bit too big for Nick, which meant that it would fit Troy better. The boy got dressed in the place they called ‘’bathroom’’, then opened the door and inhaled deeply. Nick was standing by the bedroom door with his arms crossed and innocent look on his face. When he saw the guy, he moved to approach him and help him back to the bed. Troy closed his eyes for a second, willing himself to calm down. Then he felt Nick’s hands on his body and that feeling was back again. Cold water wasn’t doing shit, it wasn’t helping, he decided. Nick was holding him like his life depended on that, arms around him, his face so close, Troy could hear his unsteady breathing. It was just because Troy was heavy and hard for the smaller guy to carry, not that Nick was worried or something. Not that his heart was beating faster when he was wrapped around the taller boy like a warm blanket. Troy was damn sure that Nick’s unsteady breathing had nothing to do with him personally, so he shut his crazy brain off and stopped thinking about that for good.

Breathe in, breathe out… Troy felt the room moving again and his legs weakening, but Nick was holding him tight, so he wouldn’t fall.

‘’You alright?’’ – Nick asked quietly.

‘’I’m fine.’’ – He answered laconically.

Then he was on that bed again, covered in white sheets that smelled like Nick.

Troy noticed a mug and the plate on the little counter standing next to the bed. The boy then realized how hungry he was, his stomach reminding him that he was still alive.

‘’Your meds…’’ – Nick bent down, opening his fist.

Troy looked at his palm and took two pills, throwing them in his dry mouth and swallowing. Nick took the bottle then, telling the other guy to drink without saying a word. Troy did what Nick wanted him to.

‘’Where’s Jake?’’ – Troy asked just to say something and avoided Nick’s look, staring down at his bandaged hand instead.

‘’Your brother is gone on a run with other guys. They’ll be back tomorrow.’’ – Nick answered, looking down at him, then reaching for the chair and sitting down next to the bed.

Troy shook his head slightly and then groaned in surprise when he felt Nick’s hand on his bandaged one. Nick looked in his eyes innocently.

‘’Your hand, it needs to be healed. You know, we have to change the bandage.’’

‘’No- uh – I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt.’’ – Troy lied, quickly moving his hand away from Nick’s soft fingers and avoiding his eyes again.

Nick sighed.

‘’Okay, eat first and _then_ I’m gonna take care of your hand. You should be hungry.’’ – Nick pointed his head to the closet and took the plate with his both hands.

‘’What’s that?’’- Troy asked.

‘’The soup.’’

‘’You made that for me, Nicky?’’ – He asked grinning broadly.

Nick smiled back.

‘’You’re joking again, that’s a good sign. And no, I brought it from the main kitchen. Here’s also some tea for you. ’’

Troy shook his head and took the plate and the spoon, placing them on his lap.

Nick watched him for a few seconds, then he reached for his pocket, taking out a pack and a lighter and lighting a cigarette.

‘’That shit will kill you, Nicky.’’ – Troy said, pointing his finger at the cigarette. Nick fixed his eyes on him, never answering but calmly continuing to smoke.

The soup was still warm and tasted good. Or maybe it just seemed delicious for Troy who hadn’t eaten anything for two days or so. He was eating like some kind of wild animal but he couldn’t care for good manners now, even when he knew that Nick was right there, watching him. He didn’t even look up from his plate. Not that Nick didn’t know the hunger, he had felt it many times, so there was nothing to be ashamed of.

When he was finished, Nick was still smoking his cigarette. Troy shifted his body to take the mug from the closet. Then he looked at Nick who was smiling slightly.

‘’You hot?’’ – He heard Nick asking suddenly.

‘’What?’’

‘’Do you think you still have fever?’’ – Nick asked again, enjoying the last drag, then putting the cigarette out.

‘’I don’t know.’’ – Troy answered quietly and continued to drink his tea.

He was feeling weird. Nick sitting there, checking on him, taking care of him like a nurse or a babysitter was humiliating but pleasant at the same time. He liked the attention but he didn’t want the younger boy to feel somehow obliged or forced to take care of him. He didn’t need his pity, he didn’t need anyone’s pity. Realizing that Nick could have been feeling forced to do what he was doing, actually hating this job, made Troy so angry that he wanted to throw the mug against the wall, stand up and run away from there. He looked up at Nick who was still sitting there and seemed too lost in his thoughts. He looked tired and he had black circles under his big brown eyes. His hair seemed clean though, like he'd just had a shower. The older boy decided that Nick had showered that morning while Troy'd been sleeping. Nick smelled like shampoo and cigarettes. He was so lost in his thought that didn’t even notice his friend's obsessive gaze.

When Troy was finished drinking his tea, Nick said he was going to help people with fixing something. He also told the older boy that he would be back soon and he would change his bandage then. Troy didn’t want to stay in the bed but he had no choice apparently, he needed to recover. However he was feeling better now, he was still weak.  So he didn’t argue with Nick who asked him to stay and get some sleep until he was back. Damn boy with big brown eyes and innocent look on his face could convince easily, he had a strong influence on Troy. He hated him for that but he couldn’t do anything about it, at least now. If Nick wanted him to stay in the bad, he was going to do so.

When Troy made sure that Nick was outside of the house and he was left alone in there, he shifted his body so he was now lying on his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. It smelled like Nick and Troy couldn’t control himself – he inhaled deeply. He felt his heart starting to beat faster and his blood boiling in his body, moving downer… The sensation that was turning his mind into chaotic mess started to grow and he heard his own unsteady breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out… Troy tried to do so but the image on Nick lying in this same bed, his long blond hair resting on the pillow had the noticeable impact on him. He couldn’t control his thoughts now.

The only person with whom he felt kind of the same way was Mike, his childhood friend who'd left him without even saying goodbye. But even towards Mike, Troy hadn’t had such strong and tender feelings. They used to fuck and they both liked it and Mike had been his only lover, not counting some girls who Troy had fucked just to convince himself that there was nothing wrong with him when he was younger. But he'd soon enough discovered that doing it with girls hadn’t felt right for him, no matter how hard he would try, so he couldn’t just force himself. After the discovery he had just decided that he was going to be alone. Then Mike'd happened and Troy was convinced that he was into guys. Mike had been his best and maybe the only friend and he loved him in his own weird way, but the feelings he had towards Nick were much stronger. He wanted him so fucking much, he'd been having wet dreams almost every night since Nick'd started to live at the Ranch. But there was also tenderness, unfamiliar for Troy, some kind of soft feelings and emotions - wanting to protect him, keep him safe, even if Nick could easily take care of himself. Troy was bad at this though. He always failed. When he wanted to say something nice to Nick, he ended up blurting out some shit again, making a complete asshole of himself. Every time he tried to make Nick feel that he was no enemy for him, Troy did the opposite. What the hell was wrong with him anyway?

He inhaled deeply, hugging the pillow and closing his eyes just to see the familiar face again, big brown eyes staring at him, full lips parted with smile, that look sending goosebumps down his body. He shook his head harshly to get him out of his brain but Nick was still there, so he just let him be.

 


	9. 9

***

 

The first thing he saw after opening his eyes was Nick’s sleepy face. The boy was sitting on his chair next to the bed, legs widely open, hands on his stomach, head resting on the back of the chair. Some strands of his blond hair were on his face, messily resting on his cheeks. His breathing was steady and peaceful, but Troy’s wasn’t. He didn’t know exactly how much time he'd spent like that, looking at the younger boy, staring at his face without taking his eyes off him but then Nick woke up. He inhaled deeply and his hands moved. He opened his eyes, still foggy with sleep and sighed, looking right in Troy’s direction. The older boy’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly looked away but it was too late for him to pretend sleeping (or even dead, whatever).

‘’H-hey’’ - Nick said with raspy voice, clearing his throat, then shifting his body to get more comfortable on the chair.

Troy was now lying on his back, covered in blankets like he was freezing. He wasn’t.

‘’Sorry, I fell asleep.’’ – Nick said after a few seconds, looking at the other boy, checking him with his piercing dark eyes.

Troy just shrugged. What the hell, why was he apologizing for falling asleep? He wasn’t Troy’s babysitter. The boy suddenly decided to clear that out somehow.

‘’You don’t have to do that anymore.’’

Nick gave him a questioning look.

‘’I’m feeling better now. I don’t think I have a fever, I should go back to my house.’’ – Troy said quietly, avoiding Nick’s big brown eyes searching for his blue ones. He didn’t like what he was saying. He didn’t want to leave either, he wanted Nick to resist and say that Troy could stay. However, he knew that this wasn’t going to happen, just couldn’t. Nick had no reason to ask him to stay in his little house, Troy was here only because the younger boy was feeling guilty or obliged, or both. Nick was too kind and he thought that he owed him for killing his bastard father. This idea made Troy’s blood boil with rage. He looked up and noticed Nick’s tired face – there was something on that face, some kind of sadness. Suddenly Nick seemed worried. He slightly opened his mouth as if he wanted to answer but instantly change his mind. Instead, the younger boy looked away, glancing at the broken window.

‘’Let me change your bandage.’’

Troy didn’t answer and Nick considered his silence as approval, so after a few seconds he was sitting on his side of the bed with water from the closet and new bandages. He must have gotten them after he'd left that morning, helping people, fixing thing, always collaborating and getting along with everyone. Troy felt jealous at some point, everybody liked Nick. Even though Troy knew exactly that the other boy was a self-destructive, weird and complex person, he could still easily talk to people, make them smile, help them and get help back. 

Nick’s long, thin fingers made contact with Troy’s injured hand and the older boy suddenly tensed. He didn’t want to make that noticeable, so he tried to relax his body and get rid of that weird, painful euphoria. Of course he failed, he knew he would. He couldn’t fight his own feelings, making him weaker, making him more like human. Nick shifted Troy’s left hand, putting it on his thigh, then touching his palm, carefully removing the white fabric. Nick’s hands were soft and Troy couldn’t look away, he was staring down at his own fingers resting on the younger boy’s thigh. The unfamiliar feeling started to grow inside him and he was hot again, feeling his cheeks flushed with heat. He was sure his face was red already. Troy swallowed hard, hurting his dry throat.

Nick wasn’t looking at his face though, he was too busy working with his injured hand. Nick seemed like he was lost in his own thought. After removing the bandage, Nick checked Troy’s wound carefully, reaching for the counter, grabbing some small bottle and applying cold liquid on it. Then the younger boy took the new bandage and continued doing his work, slowly and softly, like he was afraid that he could hurt the other boy.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

At first Troy thought he imagined it, because Nick’s words were too low and unsure. He looked at Nick’s face - he was concentrated on the work he was doing.

‘’I’m sorry, man, I didn’t want to do that. I killed him so _she_ wouldn’t have to… I killed him to save _us_.’’

Now Nick was the one looking away, avoiding Troy’s gaze. His voice was cracked, sad and filled with guilt or regret.

‘’You know…’’ – Troy stated slowly.

Nick didn’t look up. He was done with Troy’s injured hand, but was still holding it with his fingers wrapped around it.

‘’He was an asshole and a coward. You did what you had to do.’’

Troy glanced in the darkness, at some burned black spot on the wall.

‘’It’s weird, I felt relief and fear at the same time. His death awakened mixed feelings in me. I was relieved, finally he was gone, never coming back as a monster he'd always been. And then, naturally he was still my father.’’

Troy was staring at that burnt hole on the wall, forgetting everything else for a second, forgetting that Nick was even there, but he remembered about him when he felt Nick’s fingers moving slowly. Troy looked down at his left hand still resting on the other boy’s tight and he was now caressing Troy’s palm with his fingers.

‘’You don’t…’’

Troy swallowed hard, trying to sound calmer.

‘’You don’t have to do this, I’ve already told you. You don’t _owe_ me anything, so…’’

‘’That’s not the point, Troy,’’ – Nick interrupted – ‘’I don’t feel _obliged_ or anything, I just…’’

Troy looked at him in the eyes, feeling his heartbeat fasten again. Nick stopped caressing his palm but left his fingers around his bandaged hand. Nick’s face was so close, he could see it clearly even in the dim light. Troy felt a hot breath on his face and shivered, leaving the hope that Nick hadn’t noticed behind. He could pretend he still had fever though, better than saying the truth.

‘’I just care, okay?’’

Troy furrowed his brows, confused.

‘’You _care_?’’ – he repeated with teasing grin on his face, shook his head and shrugged like stupid, not even understanding what he had just done. He was _so_ not in control of his own body, never finding coherent words.

‘’Yeah, I- uh…’’ – Nick blurted out, confusion drawn on his innocent-looking face.

‘’What?’’ – Troy asked louder, still grinning.

‘’I care about you.’’

Troy blinked. He was sure, his heart stopped for a second only to continue beating like crazy again. He could feel his heart stuck in his throat, leaving him unable to speak or breathe.

‘’I really do.’’ – Nick murmured and looked down at his parted lips. Yes, Troy was still trying to breath.

He failed though.

Nick moved forward, slowly, uncertain, just like that one time, like he was approaching some kind of wild animal, trying to tame it. Troy saw him getting closer and closer, his gaze drifting from the older boy’s eyes to his lips again. There was no air left in that dark room for Troy and he felt his heart painfully beating in his chest like it was going to explode soon. He felt heat moving to his face, burning it up. Nick slowly closed the space between them, touching the other boy’s parted lips with his soft ones.

The room started to move again and Troy’s body refused to listen to his mind. He was sitting still on the bed with his back facing the wall, frozen, shocked and completely lost.

Nick’s full lips were warm and soft and he was kissing him like he really _felt._ He was kissed him lightly, with tenderness, never deepening the kiss. It only lasted for a few seconds. Then Troy’s still opened eyes widened suddenly as though he remembered something horrible or just woke up from the nightmare. He quickly got rid of Nick’s fingers wrapped around his left hand and using both of his hands Troy pushed him away with force. Nick gasped, surprised by his unexpected action. When Troy finally looked at him, the younger boy’s big brown eyes, now even darker, were wide with confusion, fear and rage.

‘’What- what the fuck, Troy?’’ – He panted, trying to remain calm and failing.

‘’Screw you, Nicky!’’

Troy then lifted his body, quickly standing up from the bed. Nick got up and reached to stop him, grabbing him by the shoulder.

‘’Get the fuck off of me!’’ – Troy growled, roughly removing the boy’s hand, moving towards the door with unsteady steps.

‘’Yeah, right, run away like a fucking coward you are.’’

Nick’s voice forced him to stop, like he was not controlling his body anymore. He chuckled and turned around, looking at the younger boy who was standing there, one meter away from him. He seemed angry and hurt at the same time. Troy felt the urge to embrace him but he couldn’t. He was no fucking coward and he was not someone Nick could manipulate. His father did that, Jake did that, even Madison did that, but Nick? He just couldn’t let him. Troy felt like he was nine again, thinking to himself what the hell was wrong with him, why everyone hated him so much. He hadn't exactly known then what ‘’hate’’ meant, but later he had had the chance to find out. Now he was feeling the same way again, standing in front of this guy who fucked his world up, making a complete chaos of his mind and played with him like he wanted.

‘’You think you can fool me, huh?’’ – Troy smirked like crazy.

‘’What?’’ – Nick furrowed his brows, looking truly confused.

‘’You’re just like her, like your mother, manipulating and playing, trying to control.’’

‘’What the hell are you talking about, Troy?’’ –Nick asked louder, holding his hands up in the air.

‘’You did this, all of this just for… From the very beginning you were playing with me, manipulating me, weren’t you?’’

Troy was still grinning, breathing hard, his heart beating fast.

‘’You’re so full of shit.’’ – Nick said quietly, if only now realizing, coming to a conclusion.

Troy chuckled, a bit stupidly.

‘’I’ve just kissed you and told you how I feel and you’re telling me _that_? Really?’’

‘’You somehow found out about Mike and came up with the perfect plan to fool me, right?’’

Nick raised his brow, confused, looking at him like there was a creature from another planet in front of him.

‘’Don’t know anything about Mike, but you were pretty obvious, I knew you liked me from the beginning.’’ – Nick answered, venom lacing his tone, smiling a bit.

Troy shook his head and looked at him again, taking a step by step, approaching him slowly.

‘’Naah, got to say, at first I was sure you hated me though, with these looks like you wanted to kill me, or eat me alive… You’re not that good at controlling your desires as you think- ’’

When Troy was in front of Nick again, he punched him hard in the face, never letting the boy finish the sentence. Nick wasn’t really expecting this, so he fell down with a loud yelp.

 

 


	10. 10

***

 

Troy had no time to react, he was attacked by Nick immediately after he stood up. Nick was smaller but stronger enough and angry enough to win over the taller boy. He was furious, panting and growling while struggling with Troy, who was soon pinned to the floor with Nick on top of him, holding his wrists roughly over his head. The older boy couldn’t move or catch his breath, looking at Nick’s dark eyes and parted lips, showing his white teeth.

‘’That’s it, you are in big trouble’’ – Nick said with venom, losing his temper - ‘’you crazy son of a bitch!’’

Troy inhaled deeply, swallowing painfully, panting.

‘’It’s easier for you to believe that I was playing with you than to assume that somebody really cares about you…’’ - Nick shook his head in disbelieve and some kind of disappointment – ‘’what is wrong with you?’’

Troy was tired of that ‘’ _what’s wrong with you’’_ thing, he was so fucking tired.

‘’Stop asking me that,’’ – Troy said angrily – ‘’there’s _nothing_ wrong with me.’’

‘’Don’t do that, please,’’ – Nick whispered, begging – ‘’Stop pushing everyone away. I know you trust me.’’

Troy felt hot, his face was flushed and his whole body was burning with fire. He felt ashamed, confused, excited, hurt and relieved at the same time.

‘’Trust me, please…’’ – Nick murmured, looking into his eyes like he was praying to god.

Troy swallowed hard, gaining the courage.

‘’So you’re saying that- uh- you like me? Like really- _like_ me?’’

‘’Yeah, I really _like_ you as you could have noticed already if you weren’t busy doing shit.’’ – Nick answered with annoyed look.

‘’Why…’’ – Troy blurted out, trying to concentrate on breathing - ‘’Why do you like me?’’

Nick made a questioning look, his face still tense, his long blond hair now messy.

‘’I’m not sure.’’ – He answered mockingly, looking away like he was actually searching for a reason. Troy swallowed hard and furrowed his brows, his face now a complex mix of emotions.

‘’You need a reason?’’ – Nick took pity on him, returning his gaze and finally saying quietly - ‘’Maybe I’m as sick as you are.’’

Troy felt his heart skip a beat, heat still covering his face like a hot disturbing layer, making it hard to breathe for him. He was aware of the younger boy’s body on top of him, making Troy dizzy, awakening hidden desires and dirty thoughts in him.

‘’Just... uh- thought you liked girls.’’ – Troy said quietly, avoiding Nick’s big brown eyes.

‘’I like _people_ , Troy. Is that feeling familiar to you?’’ – Nick still continued to be ironic and Troy hated it. At the same time it was attractive, rude and angry Nick was hot as fuck. The younger boy could be a real asshole if he wanted to. Troy knew he deserved to be treated like this, so he tried his best not to freak out, to go easy on him.

‘’Could you free my hands please?’’

‘’Why, you wanna hit me again?’’

Nick was staring down at him with suspicion, parted mouth, a little smile hidden on his lips.

Troy sighed.

‘’Didn’t mean to hit you. It’s just... you’re hurting my wrists.’’

Nick chuckled and lifted slightly, moving his body up, making himself more comfortable but never letting the boy’s hands free, just slightly loosening the grip. Nick ended up sitting on Troy’s lap and the panic started to raise in the mind of the older boy. Nick was controlling him, holding him still and the realization of it somehow scared Troy. So he tried to move his hands in attempt to free himself, tried to struggle but at the same time not make Nick angry. He bucked his hips upwards, accidentally grinding his groin against Nick’s ass.

Troy froze like an ice sculpture, stopping to breathe for what it seemed like hours. His mouth was slightly ajar, big blue eyes now wider and darker. He swallowed thickly.

Nick sighed quietly, looking down at him with intense gaze and then suddenly he moved his hips, grinding against the older boy.

Troy’s breath was caught in his throat and all of a sudden a small, quiet moan escaped his mouth. He felt his face burning with embarrassment, excitement and lust. And when exactly did he become so shy, he asked himself, cursing himself, never managing to concentrate on that thought, because Nick moved his hips forward again.

Troy heard the sound of his own unsteady breathing. His heart was doing funny things to him, beating like crazy and his dick was coming to life under Nick’s hot body.

The other boy wasn’t doing better at all. Nick’s brown eyes were now even darker, blackened with lust, his hair was messy, long strands all over his face. He released Troy’s hands and placed his own palms on the older boy’s stomach, letting them rest there for a second.

‘’I want you… so badly.’’ – Nick whispered and Troy shivered violently, feeling his blood moving down to his hardening groin. He couldn’t help the little moan that escaped his open mouth.

‘’Fuck…’’ – Troy hissed, only now realizing that his hands were free. He moved them with hesitation, right hand softly touching Nick’s tight.

Troy was still being somehow nervous and shy. Nick was affecting him strangely, making him feel like a little kid. He had never felt like this with Mike. He was never being shy or hesitant with him, he fucked him whenever and wherever he wanted to. Now he was scared. He was afraid that he could do something wrong, something to hurt Nick or scare him. For fuck’s sake, Nick wasn’t scared when he captured, threatened, attacked and tried to kill him, why would he be scared now? He wasn’t a little kid and he had experience, and here was Troy, worried to hurt Nick when he had already done almost everything that could hurt him. He wasn’t going to run away _now_ , was he?

Nick easily made him forget about doubts when he leaned down and captured Troy’s lower lip with his teeth. Troy groaned, moving his other hand on the younger boy’s neck to hold Nick right there and kissed him hard. This was nothing like that soft and hesitant kiss they'd shared earlier, when Nick'd surprised the older boy with his confession. This time the kiss was wet, messy, passionate and a little rough.

Troy felt Nick’s hands on his face now, his long warm fingers caressing his cheeks. His own hands were roaming chaotically over the younger boy’s body - they were everywhere, trying to touch more, feel more. Then Nick suddenly stopped kissing him, rising his head to look down at him, checking him from up there with intense and hungry look. Now Nick was the one who looked like a predator, wild animal, somehow pleased to see what he had done to his prey. Troy was panting, dazed and already half-hard, his hands under the younger boy’s gray shirt, holding him by his hips like he was going to run away somewhere. Troy looked completely lost, trying to catch his breath and failing.

When Nick was satisfied by the view, he took pity on Troy, leaning down again and reaching for his t-shirt that Nick had lent him. Troy couldn’t think properly, couldn’t concentrate on anything except the boy sitting on his lap. After undressing Troy, the younger boy immediately moved to grab at his own shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it away carelessly. The other boy took a chance to finally touch his soft skin, roaming his fingers on Nick’s hips and his back. Nick gave him a minute and then buried his face in Troy’s neck, kissing him there. Now Troy was moaning and groaning quietly and he didn’t even have time to be embarrassed about it, Nick’s head was moving down, leaving wet kisses on his bare chest.

‘’Nick…’’

Troy was panting, trying to say something but he found it hard to speak. Thankfully Nick stopped caressing his chest and raised his head with impatient glance.

‘’What?’’ 

‘’Get on the bed. ‘’ – Troy ordered quietly.

The younger boy stood up slowly, breathing hard, and waited for Troy to get up. It was hard for him to take control over his body again but Troy got up, he put his both hands on Nick’s face and started kissing him. Nick slowly moved to the side of the bed, pulling Troy with him. Very soon the younger boy’s legs touched the wood and he was suddenly thrown down softly but firmly. Now he was lying on the bed with his legs still on the floor. Troy grabbed the smaller boy like he weighted nothing, shifting him so his whole body was on the bed. Troy crawled on top of him, staring down at the boy who looked like he'd just survived the hurricane – breathing hard and loud, eyes dark and wild, hair all over the place. Troy was overwhelmed and so fucking horny. He felt Nick’s touch then, his soft hand grabbing Troy’s belt, desperately trying to pull him closer. He felt Nick moving his fingers inside the tight jeans.

Troy couldn’t help but whimper.

‘’You’re hard.’’ – Nick whispered with raspy voice and swallowed thickly.

‘’Yeah, I know that, Nicky.’’ – He blurted out, chuckling, closing his eyes for a second.

Nick removed his fingers from Troy’s pants and touched his hips with his both hands.

‘’Get on your back.’’ – Nick said firmly.

Troy obeyed silently because he was so not in the mood of arguing or trying to play that ‘’bad boy’’ game now. He wanted Nick and he was going to do anything he was asking, no matter what. Troy was going to make him feel good just like he did to him. And so Troy was on his back now, looking up at the younger boy with dazed eyes, his chest too tight for his heart, just like Nick’s pants for his dick.

Nick kissed his lips passionately, diving down to his neck again, attacking it with wet kisses and bites. Afterwards he moved to the older boy’s chest, caressing his nipples. Troy was moaning again in no time, one of his hands on Nick’s hip and the other wrapped around the sheets, holding them in fist.

Troy inhaled sharply when he felt Nick’s hand on his growing erection. He was still wearing that damn tight jeans that Nick had kindly lent him. Troy'd had no idea Nick had these kind of pants, he usually preferred dressing up in bigger and broader clothes like the little kid who’s curious to wear his parent’s layers. Nick was definitely weird, not quite different from Troy himself. This thought was making the older boy excited and happy every time it used to come to his mind.

‘’I need these off!’’ – Nick growled and without even giving Troy time to realize what he was talking about, he grabbed the belt, then opened the zipper, putting the jeans down. He undressed the older boy in no time, skillful hands moving quickly but accurately.

Troy made a weird sound, a whine or a moan when he felt his clothes leaving him, exposing his body that was burning with fire. Nick looked down at him with curiosity and lust on his face, studying him for a few seconds. Troy held his breath. Then Nick returned his gaze back to the older boy’s face and bent down to kiss him gently. Troy tried to deepen the kiss but Nick quickely moved his head away, shifting his body downer.

‘’Nick...’’ – Troy attempted to say something but was suddenly interrupted by Nick’s lips on his dick.

Troy whimpered and cried out, clutching at the sheets violently.

‘’Oh- fuck!’’ – He cursed and moaned loudly, still panting desperately.

Nick was licking and sucking him painfully slow, silently enjoying the impact he had on the other boy, listening to the sounds as the proof that Troy was completely ruined and lost and the reason for that was Nick himself. He was getting hard just from watching the view and listening to Troy’s desperate soft moans.

Nick released his dick then, making Troy quietly whine with protest and that made the younger boy smile.

‘’Nick…’’ - Troy looked at him with aroused wide eyes that were no longer blue but almost  black.

‘’Yeah?’’ – Nick asked teasingly, a little smirk on his face.

Troy gave another shaky exhale – ‘’Please…’’

The younger boy looked down, studying his face expression. That was really a damn rare view – Troy asking, begging, obeying, left completely at Nick’s mercy.

‘’See? You _can_ be nice if you want to.’’ – Nick whispered, leaning and kissing his neck again. He worked his way down to his chest, mouthing slow kisses. Troy wrapped his hands around Nick’s hips, holding him tight.

Nick abruptly shifted his body again, reaching for his own pants. Troy watched the show eagerly, biting his lower lip and trying to breathe steadily. He had never seen naked Nick before so he maybe seemed a little bit creepy while staring at the other boy removing his pants, making a show of it. When he finally succeeded, throwing the layer away, he positioned himself on Troy’s tights again, giving the older boy time to look.

Troy swallowed, reminding himself to breathe. His eyes traveled around Nick’s body, checking and studying every inch of it. Nick was hard.

Troy found it almost impossible to come up with the best way to ask what the younger boy wanted to do. Everything that had crossed his mind, would souund too stupid to say out loud. Nick seemed self-confident and calmer than the other boy, while Troy was a complete mess under him.

‘’Nick…What- what do you…’’ – Troy started to say, still not certain how to end the sentence.

Nick quickly crawled forward, placing his palms on the other boy’s chest and his ass on his lap, making Troy growl low in his throat, sending another sharp wave of pleasure to his dick. Nick started to worship Troy’s neck with his mouth, the touch of his full lips making the other boy dizzy with lust.

‘’You wanna be inside me?’’ – Nick whispered slightly biting his neck and Troy thought he was going to collapse right there and then. He didn’t though, he just heard a low animalistic sound coming from his own throat.

Nick didn’t need him to use words anymore, he knew the answer. He raised his head, spitting on his right hand and using it to stroke the other boy’s dick. Then he shifted slightly, changing the angle and slowly positioning himself comfortably.

‘’You... you’ve done that before, right?’’ – Troy heard himself ask. He was going to make sure that he wouldn’t hurt the other boy, however Nick seemed pretty damn confident.

‘’Yeah, but…’’ – Nick paused for a second.

‘’What?’’ 

‘’It was a long time ago. It was before...’’ – Nick started to say, fingers still wrapped around Troy’s groin – ‘’before the dead started to walk. But it’s alright.’’ – he added quickly like he was afraid that Troy would change him mind.

Troy furrowed his brows, grinning a bit.

‘’What? What are you smirking about? You think I can’t take it? ‘’ – Nick asked with suspicious look on his face, voice a little higher.

Nick seemed frustrated and a bit shy now and Troy couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips. He raised his hands, wrapping his fingers around the younger boy’s throat, caressing his soft skin there. How could one look so cute and innocent while seducing someone? Troy felt some warm, strong emotion feeling his heart and he knew he was fucked.

‘’You sure?’’ – Troy asked, trying not to sound like an asshole.

‘’Yeah.’’ – Nick breathed out and shook his head slightly, starting to work on the other boy’s dick again.

Nick closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply, leaving his mouth slightly open. Then he slowly and very carefully lowered himself onto Troy, ignoring the pain that was written on his tensed and flushed face. As Nick was fully seated, a little cry left his open moth. Troy could hear the sound of his own loud, unsteady breathing.

‘’You alright, Nicky?’’

‘’Yeah, shut up, Troy…’’ – He murmured quickly and placed both of his palms on the other boy’s stomach, eyes still shut.

Troy placed his hands on the younger boy’s hips, slightly caressing and waiting for him to adjust. Soon enough Nick started to move, rolling his hips slowly and deliberately, setting Troy’s nerves on fire. The view in front of him was gorgeous, more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before. All of this felt so much better than Troy could ever imagine it would be, much better than all his fantasies and wet dreams at least. Nick rising his body up and lowering it down against him was something impossible to handle for the older boy. He was panting and groaning again, his hands roaming over Nick’s chest and his back.

Suddenly Nick let out a loud, breathy moan and Troy tried his best not to come right there and then, inside him.

‘’Ah, fuck…’’ – Nick moaned and exhaled again, looking down at Troy with black dizzy eyes.

That was it, Troy couldn’t take it anymore - he adored the view in front of him but he wanted more. He wasn’t able to do anything in this position, Nick controlling him in every possible way. Troy had an uncontrollable urge to touch more of him and thrust into him. So he shifted quickly, grabbing Nick by the hips and rolling him until he was lying down on his back, confused look on his face.

‘’I like this position best.’’ – Troy whispered, leaning on his one elbow, placing his dick with the other hand against Nick and pushing in quickly.

Nick’s mouth fell open and he cried out, closing his eyes. The older boy positioned himself on top of him, making the angle more comfortable for both of them. Nick wrapped his legs around him, his hands now on his back. Troy was watching him like possessed, studying his face while thrusting in him, remembering, keeping it all in his mind. He buried his face in the younger boy’s neck, sniffing quietly. Nick smelled like cigarettes and sweat and Troy couldn’t get enough of him.

‘’Still hurts?’’ – Troy asked, whispering.

‘’No. feels good...’’ – Nick blurted out, his words turning into a loud moan immediately after another hard thrust.

Troy couldn’t remember the last time he'd felt something like this, something so different and real.

Nick who was still breathing hard and deep, wrapped his own hand around himself. Troy was overloaded with the sensation and the sigh of Nick – lying there moaning, touching himself. Troy was going to explode real soon. He inhaled the younger boy’s sweet scent and buried his face in Nick’s neck again, biting him hard. Nick moaned louder and moved his head to the side to allow the older boy better access.

‘’You’re so fucking hot…’’ – Troy whispered if only to himself, not even sure Nick heard it.

‘’Ah – h, fuck!’’ – Nick was moaning, overwhelmed and completely lost, his nails scratching Troy’s wide back – “Troy…”

The older boy raised his head, grabbing Nick’s hips with force, thrusting inside him faster and harder. He was looking down at him, never taking his eyes off the younger boy who was now panting and moaning _his name_ , sanding shocks of pleasure up his spine. Troy’s pace became unsteady and frantic. He leant down to kiss Nick’s parted mouth again, the other boy biting his lower lip roughly.

Troy came inside of him with a deep cry as Nick stared at him with lust, his hand wrapped around his dick now moving even faster. He also choked out the last moan in no time, before coming hard all over his stomach.

 

 

Now Nick was lying next to him on that little bed, still breathing hard and loud. He then grabbed the sheets and cleared his stomach, offering the layer to the other boy. Troy tried his best to remember the last time he'd enjoyed sex like he just did. He couldn’t. Troy was feeling weird, not managing to understand his own thought, not that he could think straight. Then Nick shifted his body and stood up, grabbing his pants and reaching for cigarettes. Troy studied his naked body and felt his heart beat faster again. The realization of what had just happened was filling his mind with thoughts, too many and too complex to understand. What'd just happened was not something Troy could allow himself to dream of. well, he'd maybe dreamed about it a lot, but he had never thought it might actually happen. Nick was right there, crawling under the sheets again, lying next to Troy naked and lightening a cigarette.

When Nick closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke, Troy almost got hard again. Nick was damn sexy even when he wasn’t trying to be. He opened his eyes then, staring at the ceiling. Troy was studying his profile, trying to overcome his urge to run his fingers through his long now sweaty hair. He wasn’t good at expressing these kind of feelings and he didn’t really know what to do or what to say.

‘’How you feeling?’’ – Nick asked and looked at him, slightly turning his face, exhaling the smoke which filled the small dark room.

Troy blinked.

He had no fucking clue. So he shook his head, making an expression that was hard to read. Nick stared at him with more curiosity.

‘’Do you mean the…uh – you mean physically or mentally?’’ – Troy blurted out, making an effort not to sound too pathetic.

Nick’s lips twitched, a tiny smile appearing that was so familiar for the other boy.

‘’Both.’’

‘’Well, ‘’ – Troy exhaled, avoiding Nick’s eyes, staring in the darkness at nothing in particular. It was weird, he was being shy again, what the hell, really? He hated this feeling – wishing for Nick to actually like him. He felt so much and so strongly, his brain couldn’t work normally and he was losing control over his own body. Was he being childish or what was that? How was he feeling? That question had no specific answer. Nick was still waiting for it though, so Troy inhaled, returning his gaze to him.

‘’Hard to say...’’

Nick let out a weird sound that was something between a chuckle and a groan.

‘’You sounded almost normal, you know?’’

Troy furrowed his brows.

‘’What's  _that_ supposed to mean?’’ - He sounded almost angry but he wasn’t. Damn Nick, he couldn’t even get angry at him when the blond one was attacking with _that_ smile.

Nick grinned, his white teeth appearing again.

Troy was staring at his big brown eyes with confused look. Nick inhaled the last drag and got rid of the cigarette. Then he suddenly raised his head and shifted slightly, moving his face closer to the other boy. Troy held his breath but he was not sure why. Damn kid stared down at him with hungry look, his eyes focused on the older boy’s lips that were slightly parted.

‘’You mean I’m not normal?’’ – Troy whispered, his voice too low and unsure. He sounded like a little kid, sad and disappointed he didn’t get candies from the store.

Nick didn’t answer, he just moved his head, closing the space between them and kissed him on the lips, softly but firmly.

‘’Nah Troy, you’re nothing like normal. But you know what, it’s perfectly normal if you ask me.’’

Troy froze for a moment, studying those eyes. Sometimes Nick was talking to him without words but only with that stupid big brown puppy eyes of him. Troy could feel it. Even now, in the dim light he could still notice those sad gray clouds covering Nick’s eyes, floating into them. They were not going away anytime soon but it was alright.

Nick’s lips touched his face again, caressing his checks and jaw, leaving soft little kisses on his way.

‘’Can you just… - Nick was sweetly whispering between kisses – ‘’can you stay here longer? Here, with me…’’

And then suddenly Troy was out of air again, his heart beating restlessly, his whole body warming up with unfamiliar feeling that was way powerful than anything he had ever felt before. It was scary and exciting, tearing his soul apart, effecting his body like a thousand knives stabbing it. But it was also tender and soft, turning his stomach into a pleasant mess, making his body shiver and burn at the same time, freeing his mind from all the rage and hate.

Everything was disappearing slowly, leaving Nick and only Nick in his mind.

Nick was whispering, kissing his face softly and gently, clouding his mind. Nick smelled like something very well known before, like something familiar but at the same time so unique and special. Troy kissed him back, letting the new feeling in, welcoming it. He didn’t mind if the other boy was able to hear his crazy heartbeat, he didn’t care if he looked or sounded pathetic or stupid unless Nick was there with him. He wasn’t going to run away  _now_ , was he?

‘’Depends. Will you keep making that tasty soup for me?’’

Nick tried to chuckle but he couldn’t actually manage that because Troy attacked his parted lips again.

‘’Not that you have options anyway...’’ – the younger boy somehow got rid of his mouth to answer with evil grin on his face.

‘’Is that so?’’ – Troy ran his fingers through Nick’s messy hair.

‘’Yeah, I’m the only person who’s stupid enough to like you. I’m a freaking masochist or something.’’ – Nick said with a slight smile.

At that moment Troy knew exactly that he was in big trouble. Nick was his weakness that felt too _right_. In that case Troy didn’t mind to be weak, at all.

‘’Yeah, whatever you say, Nicky.’’ – Troy rolled his eyes and grabbed the back of Nick’s neck, bringing him closer, cutting the smirk off his pretty face with a quick rough kiss – ‘’Now shut up, I still need to recover, need some sleep.’’

Troy heard Nick’s quiet chuckle that disappeared soon, leaving both of them in comfortable silence. Troy listened to the other boy’s steady, peaceful breathing, feeling himself slowly drifting to sleep. He was feeling safer and happier in a fucking zombie apocalypse than ever before in that old ‘’normal’’ world. What was wrong with him anyway?

 

 


End file.
